Ten Things You Can’t Use Mind Mapping For…And Other Stupid Suggestions

no_mind_map.jpgTop ten lists seem all the rage at the moment and indeed I think I might have even used the strategy myself a couple of times.

So in a moment of madness and high frivolity at the end of a productive day I thought I would add to the ever increasing mass of useless information accumulating online and create one of those little 2 minute filler articles the sub-editors in magazines use when an advertiser drops out at the last minute.

And so here we go, ten things you can’t use Mind Mapping or Mind Maps for:

1.  Mind Mapping is no good for calming down prisoners in an isolation wing of a high security Alabama prison – try sedatives or the trusty strait jacket instead – they will thank you for it in the end.

2.  Mind Maps are a poor choice for load bearing cross beams in deep valley spanning railway bridges – despite their versitility the insistence on using them in landscape format seriously undermines their tensile strength.

3.  Mind Mapping as a form of nutrition is a poor dietry choice unless you involve eggs, cheese and chopped ham and then you have an omelette and not a Mind Map.

4.  Mind Maps can not and should not be used to document the sequence of directional changes a large male red ant makes when running away from the focused sunlight passing though a magnifying glass guided by two mis-guided kindergarten kids – the expanse of paper is at risk of putting the insect in shadow rendering the experiment useless.

5.  Mind Mapping as a martial art is a non-starter – anyone who has played Rock-Paper-Scissors knows that.

6.  Mind Maps as a form of currency. Are you mad!  Our banking system would collapse – let’s leave economics to the bankers who seem to know what they are doing.

7.  Mind Mapping as a form of courting a member of the opposite sex – on the surface this seems a good idea, but you make an inadvertent smudge with your crayola coloured pens and then see just how attractive you look!

8.  “Mind Maps” as the title of a Chekov play (because I know he never read any of Tony Buzan’s books and he wouldn’t want to constrain his stream of consciousness by placing it on ANY branch).

9.   Mind Mapping as an international “sport” with a World Championships – I mean surely anyone producing a brightly coloured psychedelic diagram under the pressure of time in the interests of competition is just asking to be dope tested.

10.  Mind Maps as a thinking tool – what?  Don’t be silly!  With all that creativity, increased concentration, greater understanding and comprehension, improved recall and better memory, higher order levels of thinking, vastly superior information handling and problem solving abilities, better decision making skills, improved communication and the ability to neatly, swiftly and easily switch from tatical detail to strategic overview in an instant…From a simple colourful diagram with a handful of keywords and pictures organised to mirror the associative mechanism of the brain – Nah!! No one would believe you.

So there is my list of ten and if you have any ideas about things that Mind Mapping can’t be used for then let me know.

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